“Mom, how many percocet would kill me?”
“Ask your father.”
Paid my kid’s rent. She came home. Couldn’t sublet it.
I electrocuted my high school physics class. (No one died.)
Want to neck? She said no. Told our friends. Burned.
Irish and redhead plus beach and no sunblock equals burned :(
Burn in progress: Trying to cancel my home security contract.
Standing under my father while he was drinking hot coffee
A passionate and heartfelt e-mail that was never replied.
Actual: Immigration lawyer
My child: “Helps people move to Philadelphia.”
Sometimes my feet are cold and the shower feels blazin’.
Got burned by my iron making the world’s saddest panini.